Beat Breakfast Panel:Follow-Up Friday:My mom won't tell my dad she got remarried and is leaving it up to me to tell him

We’re following up with Beat listeners to see how they made out after they sent in their questions to us – and you – for help.  Every Friday, it’s a Follow-Up Friday on the Beat Breakfast Panel.

Original Panel

My parents have been divorced for about 2 years and my dad hasn’t gotten over it.  The end was less than amicable and blame each other and haven’t spoken in well about 2 years.  I’m getting married in this fall and both my parents will be there which might get awkward. My mom called me and said she’s bringing her fiance. He popped the question last weekend and they plan on a very “smallish” wedding in August. My mom doesn’t do anything “smallish” so this should be interesting.  I don’t want to get in to them going ahead and getting married before I get married. Maybe that’s for another panel.

As I mentioned, my dad didn’t take the end of the marriage very well and hasn’t really dated anyone.  I’m concerned that when he sees my mom and her new husband at the wedding, he will be very hurt. That’s the last thing I want,  and selfishly I don’t want any drama at my wedding. I’m an only child and my mom is leaving it up to me to tell my dad she’s getting married since she has no intention of doing so.  I want him to know before the wedding but I don’t think I should be the one who tells him. What do I do? “G” in Waterloo

Follow-Up

After a LOT of thought, I decided I just needed to sit down and tell my dad to avoid any drama at the wedding.  He was more upset that my mom was upstaging my wedding than the fact she’s getting married again. He said after a dark time he’s doing much better, really appreciated me thinking of him and then told me he’s started dating!  He then asked if he could bring one of his new “lady friends” to the wedding. Yup, suddenly my dad is a player. A few days later I went to talk to my mom to let her know that I didn’t appreciate the spot she put me in and she told me my dad had called her out of the blue, congratulated her on the wedding and then laid into her for upstaging my wedding and being selfish!  She told me that it was sexy the way he stood up for me and if he had acted that way more maybe they’d still be together. Oh and my mom has decided that she’s not really sure she wants to get married, so the wedding is off, for now.

This is my life with my parents.   

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it – “G” in Waterloo

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